Remember how you never knew you loved kale chips until you tried them? Well, sex can be kind of like that. How are you supposed to know whether you like something unless you give it a taste?
In fact, it’s safe to say that there are sex cravings you didn’t even know you had, says sexologist Jessica O’Reilly, Ph.D., a Toronto-based sex and relationship expert. And to tap into that unchartered territory, all you need to do is think about the classic moves and foreplay that always get you going.
Let’s turn up the heat.
1. If You Love Watching You and Your Partner Have Sex in a Mirror…
Up the intensity: Make a sex tape.
“Making a sex tape might be ideal for you because it appeals to both your exhibitionist and voyeuristic sides,” says O’Reilly.
Terrified your video will somehow end up as an email attachment to your boss? Throw your phone or recording device into airplane mode before pressing play, or dust off an old-school recorder if one’s avail. To set the mood, O’Reilly suggests de-cluttering the space around you, turning on some soft light (you can even throw a mosquito net over the camera to create a filter), and keeping the camera out of your line of sight to prevent yourself from getting distracted.
2. If You Love When Your Partner Takes Control in Bed…
Up the intensity: Experiment with playing a submissive, or the “S” in BDSM.
Relinquishing control and following orders in bed can be totally exhilarating, says O’Reilly, and it doesn’t mean putting your own needs or desires to the side. Test out the role by using some one-liners, like “yes, sir, as you wish.” Then get your Anastasia Steele on by positioning yourself at your partner’s feet, pretending to be nervous by biting your lip (unless you’re totally annoyed by how many freaking times Dakota Johnson did that in the film,) and allowing your partner to show off his physical prowess, says O’Reilly.
3. If You Love Watching Sexy TV Shows Together…
Up the intensity: Turn on some porn.
Amazed by how quickly your insides turn from ho-hum to holy sh*t during a steamy scene in The Bachelor? An x-rated movie can fuel your sexual appetite even more, especially after a busy and stressful day, says O’Reilly.
If you’re new to all the nakedness, check out the genres of porn produced with couples or with women in mind. (You’ll still get the same sexy inspiration, but there’s more of a story line instead of just genitals flying around everywhere—which can also be fun.)
4. If You Love Sexting…
Up the intensity: Send dirty voice messages.
Whether you’re spending a few days apart or just want to give your dude a mid-afternoon thrill, sending a dirty message, either to his voicemail or via your Messages app on iOS, can keep you both on the edge of your sex seat.
“Keep the note short, just five to ten seconds, and move your mouth away from the phone to create a hushed whisper,” says O’Reilly. “Even if dirty talk isn’t your forte, it makes for great practice!”
5. If You Love Using a Vibrator…
Up the intensity: Use a vibrator together.
Haven’t brought out your favorite solo toy for a tandem sesh yet? You could be majorly missing out.
“Research shows that most men are onboard with the idea of using thesex toy and find that adding a vibrator improves their sex lives,” says O’Reilly. Pick a small vibrator to start, or better yet, seek out one that you can wear during intercourse so you can both enjoy the buzz. O’Reilly’s rec: A U-shaped toy that provides simultaneous stimulation to the G-spot, clitoris, and penile shaft.