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Monday, May 20, 2024

Here’s Why You Might Not Get Turned On Until You’re Actually Having Sex

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Emily Nagoski, the director of Wellness Education at Smith College, thinks sex drive is a myth, reports Medical Daily. Instead, Nagoski thinks we should see our sexual desires as “spontaneous desire” and “responsive desire.”

Basically, Nagoski says there’s nothing wrong with you if you don’t have sexual fantasies. Instead, you might experience responsive desire, where you enjoy sex, but don’t necessarily feel in the mood until it’s already started.

Nagoski says spontaneous desire is what we normally think of as sex drive: it’s an urge to have sex out of nowhere. But Nagoski says responsive desire is an equally legitimate way to respond to sex. In fact, she says 80 percent of women experience responsive desire and think something is wrong because they’re comparing it to spontaneous desire.

“But I can’t count the number of women I’ve talked with who assume that because their desire is responsive, rather than spontaneous, they have ‘low desire’; that their ability to enjoy sex with their partner is meaningless if they don’t also feel a persistent urge for it; in short, that they are broken, because their desire isn’t what it’s ‘supposed’ to be,” Nagoski wrote inThe New York Times.

So don’t sweat it if you’re not constantly thinking about sex or in a perpetual state of horniness. It’s completely normal.

(via Cosmopolitan)

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